9. Halloween

Bonfires burning bright
Pumpkin faces in the night
I remember Halloween

Dead cats hanging from poles
Little dead are out in droves
I remember Halloween...

Candy apples and razor blades
Little dead are soon in graves
I remember Halloween

This day, anything goes

The Misfits


Love is hell
Love is a graveyard

Dave Matthews Band


Prologue/Scene 1 -- the house

As the curtain rises this time, we see the house as normal. But a couple of things are different. While we still see the couch, two chairs and table in their usual places, the furniture looks nicer, cleaner. It's not bad.

Also, we see a YOUNG BOY and a YOUNG GIRL, each about seven years old, sitting on the floor in front of the table. The boy is dressed as the Adam West version of Batman, the girl as Robin, though neither wears their mask (which we see discarded on the table). Between them lies a mountainous pile of candy, spilling from a couple of those plastic pumpkins.

The two kids are riffling through their treasure trove, sorting the bad from the good. They do it wordlessly--candy's serious business, after all.

The Author enters from the kitchen, tiptoeing so as not to disturb them--they take no notice. He's holding an easel and a piece of poster board--he puts down the former and sits the latter on top of it. The sign reads RECAPPER WANTED, NO EXP. NECESSARY, APPLY NOW, FLEXIBLE HOURS!

The Author glances at the sign, then at the kids, and then back to us.

AUTHOR: Hi there. Welcome back. Last time, Patrick's band had the big concert at the Weavers' birthday party. It was...yeah, it was a disaster. Patrick fell off the stage and injured himself, Michael completely lost track of his brother and sister, and Jason...well, Jason got plowed, left the party early, and "did something really stupid"--his words. He told Michael he did what he always mocks other people for doing at parties: getting hammered and sleeping with someone they shouldn't have. Michael thinks it's Vanessa, seeing as how Jason was seen getting drunk with her during the party. Jason won't confirm or deny anything, and has sworn Michael to silence. We'll see how long that lasts.

In other events, Michael tried--in vain--to set Jason up with Kathy, a girl who works with Angela. Michael was told well in advance it would fail, and it did, spectacularly. Not only did Jason not like the girl, he was angered at the attempt, and directed that anger at Angela, whom he thought was responsible. Luckily for her, she saw that coming, and bet Michael thirty dollars it would happen that way. Also, Michael's brother Carter told him he "knew"--his word--that Anthony, their brother-in-law, was cheating on their sister. He had no proof, but insisted that Michael tell Cali anyway.

Now, onto this episode. A little change of pace this time around, but nothing too extraordinary. I'd explain it to you, but I'm sure you can figure it out on your own. Also, it was brought to my attention that my previous effort at this may have been a little too...lengthy. That perhaps I insulted your intelligence and wasted your time by talking too much. Apparently, I'm no better at this than Robert.

He glances toward the sign again.

AUTHOR: Well, then. Let's get on with it. This episode is called "Halloween," and it's all about--you guessed it--Halloween. For most people, Christmas or Thanksgiving is the important holiday, the one with the most powerful memories. Maybe even Easter. Not in this house, though. Surprise, surprise.

He walks off the stage.

The two kids are still silently rummaging through their candy.

After a minute, a TALL MAN enters from the hallway. He's got a camera in one hand, and he walks very, very quietly behind the couch.

The kids don't see him.

Slowly, and carefully--not unlike the ninja--he raises the camera. He readies...he aims...he shoots.

FLASH! The kids turn, see the man and his camera, and whine in protest.

BOY: Hey, no pictures! You promised!

TALL MAN: Did I promise that?

BOY and GIRL: Yes!

TALL MAN: That doesn't sound like something I'd say.

GIRL: You did, though. Before we left.

TALL MAN: Ah, yes, you're right. I did say that. I said I would take no pictures of you before you left. However...

BOY: Oh, come on. That's not fair.

TALL MAN: Yes, I know. But your mother wanted a picture. So I broke my promise. Got a problem with it, take it up with her. I just work here.

BOY: Okay.

GIRL: We're lucky he didn't make us put the masks back on.

BOY: Shh.

TALL MAN: What's wrong with getting your picture taken, anyway? You didn't mind walking around the neighborhood dressed like that.

BOY: That's totally different.

TALL MAN: How?

GIRL [chewing a Tootsie Roll]: They gave us candy.

TALL MAN: I see.

BOY: Oh, 'Becca and me went--

TALL MAN: 'Becca and I.

BOY: 'Becca and I went to this one house, the lady gave us full-size candy bars. Not the little ones, but the big ones.

He holds up a king-sized 3 Musketeers as proof.

BOY: See?

TALL MAN: I do. That was very generous. And very unhealthy.

BOY: Dad.

TALL MAN: So, Rebecca, have you seen your new house yet?

GIRL: Uh-huh.

TALL MAN: You like it?

GIRL: I guess. My room's bigger. And it's got a big yard. Which is good for Phil.

TALL MAN: Who's Phil?

BOY: Dad. 'Becca's cat.

TALL MAN: Right, right.

GIRL: His name's Phil Collins II, but we just call him Phil.

TALL MAN: Why did you name--never mind. Well, I'm sure Phil will like it.

GIRL: He will. He likes trees. Though your really not s'posed to let cats out of the house. They get sick or something. That's what my uncle says. He's a vet.

TALL MAN: You two won't be able to ride the bus together anymore.

BOY: I don't think her uncle rides the bus anymore.

TALL MAN: Ahem. I meant the two of you, smarty pants.

BOY [giggles]: I know.

GIRL: We'll still be in the same class, though.

At this point, unnoticed by these three, a PALE WOMAN in a robe enters from the hallway. She stays quiet and listens.

TALL MAN: Yeah, I know. It'll just be a shame not seeing you around here as much.

BOY: She'll still come over sometimes.

GIRL: Lotsa times.

TALL MAN: But it won't be as easy when you're not living across the street.

PALE WOMAN: Oh, God, Donald, are you trying to make them cry?

Her voice is wheezy and weak.

The three of them turn to notice her.

TALL MAN: No, I'm not trying to make them cry, I'm...actually, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'll shut up.

PALE WOMAN: Good thinking.

BOY: Are you feeling better, Mommy?

PALE WOMAN: Not really, sweetheart. How'd you guys do?

BOY: That creepy lady down the street gave 'Becca and I--

TALL MAN: 'Becca and me.

BOY: Okay, 'Becca and me big candy bars, 'stead of the little ones.

PALE WOMAN: That's great. How you doing, Rebecca?

GIRL: I'm okay, Mrs. Grainer.

TALL MAN: All right, it's getting to be nine o'clock, and I promised your parents I'd have you back before then.

GIRL: Aww--but it's not a school night.

TALL MAN: Hey, take it up with them.

BOY: He just works here.

TALL MAN: That's my line.

PALE WOMAN: C'mon, kids, you can finish rationing the candy tomorrow. You've got all day.

The kids gloomily start scooping the candy back into the two buckets--good candy in one, bad candy in the other.

The Tall Man hands the camera to the Pale Woman.

TALL MAN: Okay, Rebecca, c'mon. I'll walk you back home.

GIRL: It's only across the street. I can make it myself.

TALL MAN: Or we could be safe, and I could walk with you.

GIRL: But I'm a superhero!

She does a superhero pose.

BOY: Actually, you're the sidekick. Robin's always getting kidnapped and beaten up and stuff.

GIRL: Gee, thanks.

She grabs her mask from the table and puts it on.

GIRL: Okay. I guess I'm ready to go.

TALL MAN: All right.

The two of them head to the door.

PALE WOMAN: Goodnight, Rebecca.

GIRL: G'night, Mrs. Grainer.

BOY: 'Night, 'Becca.

GIRL: See ya tomorrow, Jason. Happy Halloween.

BOY: Happy Halloween. Oh, and h--

GIRL: Don't say it. I told you not to.

BOY: Okay.

GIRL: 'Bye.

The Pale Woman and the Boy once again say goodbye, and the Girl and the Tall Man exit through the front door.

The Boy returns to the candy, The Pale Woman watches him for a minute.

PALE WOMAN: So, how's she doing?

BOY: Who?

PALE WOMAN: Rebecca, silly.

BOY: Oh. She's okay.

PALE WOMAN: Yeah?

BOY: Yeah.

PALE WOMAN: What is it you're not supposed to say?

BOY: You mean, just now?

PALE WOMAN: Yeah.

BOY: I can't tell you.

PALE WOMAN: Why not?

BOY: 'Cause I'm not supposed to say, silly.

PALE WOMAN: You could write it down.

BOY: Mom.

PALE WOMAN: I'm kidding.

He continues to scoop up candy.

PALE WOMAN: Does she ever talk about her brother?

BOY: Not really. Sometimes. When she gets sad.

PALE WOMAN: Well, I'm glad you two became good friends. She needed one.

BOY: We're not good friends.

PALE WOMAN: You're not?

BOY: Nope. We're best friends.

PALE WOMAN: Ah. I stand corrected.

BOY: Actually, you're sitting down.

PALE WOMAN: Ooh--what a terrible joke.

BOY: I learned from the master.

PALE WOMAN: All right, Bruce Wayne, keep talking. Let me just get the camera ready, here--

BOY: No no no!

PALE WOMAN: Okay then--who's the funniest person in the world?

BOY: You!

PALE WOMAN: And where did you get your horrible, horrible jokes?

BOY: Dad. All Dad. He's not funny at all.

PALE WOMAN: That's what I thought.

They laugh, but she starts coughing--big, hacking coughs.

BOY: Are you okay?

PALE WOMAN: Yeah, I'm fine.

BOY: You should go see the doctor.

PALE WOMAN: Oh, I'm going to, sweetie. But for now, I think it's time for you to go to bed.

BOY: Aww--but it's early!

PALE WOMAN: It's after nine.

BOY: Aww, please! They're showing Halloween on TV at ten. I wanted to see it.

PALE WOMAN: I'm not letting you stay up past your bedtime to watch a movie, especially not some horrifically gory slasher movie. You're way too young for that stuff.

BOY: But it's on regular TV, they'll cut out all the violence.

PALE WOMAN: Well, then what's the point of watching it?

BOY: Mom...

PALE WOMAN: Let's get this candy put away, and I'll think about it.

BOY: Okay.

The Boy finishes sorting the candy and stands, one pumpkin in each hand. She picks up his mask from the table. Together, they walk to the kitchen.

PALE WOMAN: You know, your Dad's right. It's gonna be harder for you and Rebecca to stay friends once they move.

BOY: It won't matter.

PALE WOMAN: Why not?

BOY: 'Cause we're best friends. No matter what. We'll be best friends forever.

They step through the door to the kitchen, and the second it swings closed, the front door flies open and bangs against the wall. Rebecca storms in, absolutely furious. She has a backpack slung over one shoulder, a bass guitar case in one hand, and she has red hair.

REBECCA: You're a bastard!

Jason walks in, also with a backpack. He's also wearing a Houston Astros baseball cap. He gently closes the front door.

JASON: 'Becca--

REBECCA: You're an asshole bastard!

JASON: 'Becca, will you--

REBECCA: You're an asshole bastard, and I hate you!

JASON: Please, stop--

REBECCA: Every time you talk to me, in spite of my directive not to, I'm going to add another insult to the litany. You stupid asshole bastard, whom I hate!

JASON: My mother is trying to sleep right now, okay, so call me whatever you damn well please, just keep it down, would you? Stop screaming?

REBECCA: Oh. Sorry.

She puts her things down and sits on the couch.

REBECCA: I'm a little upset.

JASON: No kidding.

REBECCA: I can't believe you did that.

JASON: I can't believe you're continuing to act surprised.

REBECCA: I am surprised!

JASON: No, you're not, 'Becca--

REBECCA: And stop that. I told you not to call me that. I don't like it anymore.

JASON: I'm sorry. Rebecca. I forgot. You call someone the same name for nine years, it's hard to change overnight.

REBECCA: I've been telling you for a year.

JASON: Okay, I'm a wank. I'm sorry. I'll do better.

REBECCA: Thank you.

JASON: But you cannot have been surprised.

REBECCA: You ratted me out, Jason. I didn't think in a million years you'd rat me out.

JASON: Yes, you did. If you didn't, then why were you hiding it from me?

REBECCA: I...wasn't.

JASON: You were.

REBECCA: Maybe I didn't want to hear a lecture.

JASON: Yeah, how awful it would be for me to disapprove of my best friend trying to kill herself by--

REBECCA: Hey. That's not funny. That's not what I was trying to do. I was just...

JASON: You were smoking.

REBECCA: Yeah, I smoked a damn cigarette. I was under the impression that I could do that without you selling me out to my mom.

JASON: You were wrong.

REBECCA: Clearly.

JASON: Do I need to explain to you why I'd have a problem with you smoking?

REBECCA [sighs]: No. I understand.

JASON: But?

REBECCA: But, it was still wrong! You lecture me, fine, but lecture me, don't tell my mom!

Jason starts to respond, but we see the Pale Woman (I think it's safe to go ahead and refer to her as JASON'S MOM now) enter from the hallway. She looks even worse than before, and her voice is even more thin and weak. She's not wearing a robe now, though, but some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. They both appear very loose and way too big.

JASON'S MOM: Hey, kids.

JASON: Hey, Mom.

REBECCA: Hey, Mrs. Grainer. How are you feeling?

JASON'S MOM: Never better.

JASON: Mom.

JASON'S MOM: It's a good day. Better than yesterday. How was school?

JASON: It was fine.

REBECCA: Fine.

JASON'S MOM: I like your hair.

JASON: Thanks.

JASON'S MOM: I was talking to her.

JASON: Oh.

REBECCA: Thank you very much.

JASON'S MOM: So, there's some big party tonight you guys are going to?

JASON and REBECCA: No.

Rebecca is surprised to hear Jason say no.

JASON'S MOM: Oh? Why not?

REBECCA: Well, I can't go. I'm grounded.

JASON'S MOM: What this time? Cutting school again?

Rebecca starts to answer, but:

JASON: Yeah. I tried to get her stop, but she's...unstoppable.

REBECCA: ...Yeah, I'm...incorrigible.

JASON'S MOM: Well. That's too bad. But, maybe this time you'll learn.

REBECCA: Definitely. Never again.

JASON'S MOM: Good.

JASON: We'll see how it holds up.

JASON'S MOM: And why aren't you going to the big party?

JASON: Rebecca's parents said she could leave the house if she was coming over here. And I didn't want her to be all by herself.

JASON'S MOM: How very thoughtful.

JASON: That's me. Always looking out for my friends.

REBECCA: Yeah, don't I know it.

JASON'S MOM: Well, if you guys are gonna stay here, you'll probably have the house to yourselves. I'm going to go see my sister.

JASON: What about Dad?

JASON'S MOM: He got conned into being a chaperone at the Halloween...Dance, or whatever at school.

JASON: And again I'm glad that Dad doesn't teach at the same school I attend.

JASON'S MOM: Anyway. I'm staying over there, so I'll be back tomorrow. Obviously, I can trust you two not to get into any trouble?

JASON and REBECCA: Obviously.

JASON'S MOM: No drinking, no smoking, no drugs, and no...anything else.

JASON: Sure. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.

REBECCA: You have nothing to worry about.

JASON'S MOM: Yeah. You having the rest of them come over, too?

JASON: Maybe. Not sure. Haven't talked to them yet.

JASON'S MOM: Well, they're mostly okay. Except that one.

REBECCA: Louis?

JASON'S MOM: Yes. He's an immature little...well. Anyway. I'm gone. I'll see you tomorrow.

JASON: 'Bye, Mom.

REBECCA: 'Bye, Mrs. Grainer.

JASON'S MOM [heading for the door]: Oh, and, Rebecca, happy--

Jason loudly clears his throat and shakes his head.

JASON'S MOM: --Halloween.

REBECCA: Thank you.

Jason's mom leaves through the front door.

JASON: You gotta get over that, by the way.

REBECCA: I don't like being reminded. It's pointless.

JASON: I got you a card.

REBECCA: Keep it.

JASON: I've been keeping it. For a while.

REBECCA: Keep it some more.

JASON: Okay.

REBECCA: ...I wasn't trying to kill myself. With the smoking. Like you said.

JASON: Yeah. I know. That was out of line. I'm really sorry about that. I wasn't thinking.

REBECCA: That wasn't funny.

JASON: Well, I wasn't trying to be, but you're right. It was insensitive and uncalled for, and I apologize. Sincerely.

REBECCA: Thank you. Why aren't you going to the party?

JASON: For the same reason I told my Mom. 'Cause you can't. And though it's not my fault you're grounded, you think it is, and so I'll stay with you. Besides, I didn't want to go anyway.

REBECCA: Yes, you did.

JASON: I hate parties.

REBECCA: Yeah, but you actually wanted to go to this one.

JASON: No, I didn't.

REBECCA: You said you did. Repeatedly. "Believe it or not, I actually want to go this party." You said that. Yesterday, as a matter of fact.

JASON: ...I was just trying to fit in.

REBECCA: Jason.

JASON: It's no big deal.

REBECCA: Cassie's gonna be there.

JASON: Yeah, I know.

REBECCA [sighs]: See, now I feel guilty.

JASON: Good. My evil plan is working beautifully. Bwahahaha.

REBECCA: Pretty feeble evil plan there, Brain.

JASON: Where'd you get the cigarettes, anyway?

REBECCA: I'll never tell.

JASON: Patrick?

REBECCA: Michael.

JASON: Michael?

REBECCA: Stole 'em from his brother.

JASON: Wow, so you're not only exposing yourself to carcinogens, you're also spurning your friends on to lives of crime.

REBECCA: And I got you lying to your mom. I'm a bad influence.

JASON: Don't I know it.

There's a knock at the door, the traditional "Shave and a Haircut" knock.

JASON: Come in!

The door opens and Michael enters. He's wearing glasses, which we've never seen before.

MICHAEL: Hey.

REBECCA: Why are you wearing your glasses?

MICHAEL: ...To see?

REBECCA: Where are your contacts?

MICHAEL: I don't know.

REBECCA: You don't know?

MICHAEL: Cali took them and hid them from me.

JASON: Why?

MICHAEL: To prove some point only she understands. I don't know, she's insane.

JASON: Did you give cigarettes to Rebecca?

MICHAEL: No.

Jason pulls a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and holds them up.

MICHAEL: Oh, you mean those cigarettes.

JASON: Why?

MICHAEL: She asked me to. When are we leaving?

REBECCA: Well, we're [motions: me and Jason] not. I'm grounded. I either have to be at home or here. So no party for me.

MICHAEL: Why'd you get grounded?

Jason holds up the cigarettes again.

MICHAEL: Oh. See, I told you to hide them from Jason.

REBECCA: Ixnay, ixnay...

JASON: Ah-ha.

There's another knock at the door.

JASON: Come in!

The door opens and Patrick walks in. He looks, more or less, exactly the same.

PATRICK: Hey, guys.

ALL: Hey.

Michael gives Patrick one of those male-bonding-slap-hands-together-not-quite-handshake-not-quite-high-five things. Suffice it to say, we've never seen them do that before.

MICHAEL: Hey, don't let me forget, I got that ten bucks I owe you.

PATRICK: Eh, no rush. Whenever. Hey, Rebecca--you changed your hair.

REBECCA: Yeah, I did.

MICHAEL: Oh, hey, you did, didn't you? I didn't see before.

JASON: I think you need to visit the optometrist again.

MICHAEL: Why the change?

REBECCA: I don't know. Something different. I'm not sure I like it, though. What do you think?

MICHAEL: It looks okay to me.

REBECCA: Yeah?

PATRICK: I think it looks great. I really like it. You look fantastic.

REBECCA [sheepishly]: Um...thanks.

Michael looks at Patrick with a scowl. That's more like it.

JASON: So. Rebecca's grounded, so we're not going to the party.

PATRICK: Okay. Didn't really want to go anyway.

REBECCA: Will you guys stop saying that?

JASON: No.

REBECCA: You guys can all go if you still want. I don't--

JASON: Stop talking.

MICHAEL: We're staying. We don't mind.

PATRICK: So what's the plan?

JASON: We can watch The Matrix on our new DVD player.

MICHAEL: We've already done that. Three times.

JASON: Yeah. [beat] And?

MICHAEL: Just saying. Sounds good to me.

PATRICK: What about Louis?

MICHAEL: I can call him. He'll head over. Phone's in the kitchen?

JASON: Yeah.

Michael heads into the kitchen.

PATRICK: I have some Dr Pepper in the car. I was taking it to the party, but I guess they'll just have to do without it.

JASON: Good thinking.

He starts for the door.

PATRICK: Oh, hey. I was reading about those Lord of the Rings movies that are coming out. The ones you were talking about the other day?

JASON: Yeah?

PATRICK: Yeah. It's three movies, the first one comes out next year, and the other two a year apart after that.

JASON: Oh, we are so there.

PATRICK: Just have to convince Michael. Be right back.

He heads out the front door. Jason and Rebecca sit next to one another on the couch.

REBECCA: You know you guys don't have to stay with me. Really, I can take my punishment alone, there's no need to--

JASON: But we're doing it anyway. We'll suffer along with you.

REBECCA: Why?

JASON: 'Cause that's what we do.

REBECCA: Oh yeah?

JASON: Yeah. Besides, it's Halloween. We gotta be nice to you today. Even though we're not allowed to say why.

REBECCA: Hmm. Well, on second thought, I guess I don't hate you after all.

JASON: That's a relief. What about the "stupid asshole bastard" part?

She puts her head on his shoulder.

REBECCA: I'll think about it.

Jason turns on the television and starts pushing buttons on the remote.

REBECCA: So: Lord of the Rings on the big screen.

JASON: It's gotta be better than that animated piece of crap.

REBECCA: No, it doesn't, but I like your optimism.

JASON: At least they're smart enough to do three whole movies.

REBECCA: The last one comes out in 2003?

JASON: Yeah. That's what he said.

REBECCA: Wow. We'll have graduated by then.

JASON: Yeah.

REBECCA: Who knows where we'll be?

JASON: I do.

REBECCA: Really? Where?

JASON: Somewhere far, far from here.


Scene 2 -- the house, 2003

A STAGEHAND helpfully identifies the year by holding up a sign at the far side of the stage, then exits silently.

Jason and Rebecca are sitting on the couch in the exact same position: Rebecca with her head on his shoulder, Jason holding the remote and pushing buttons. Rebecca no longer has red hair, and Jason isn't wearing an Astros cap, but other than that, it's the same.

The telephone is on the table. There's a purse underneath it.

JASON: I don't have to do this, you know.

REBECCA: No. You are a free human being. You can do whatever you want.

JASON: I'm just saying. He can't force me.

Rebecca laughs. He looks at her like she's nuts.

REBECCA: He can't force you? Force? That wasn't intentional?

JASON: No.

REBECCA: Oh. Shoulda been.

JASON: Well, my point stands. He can't.

REBECCA: Not really, no.

JASON: What does that mean?

REBECCA: Hmm?

JASON: "Not really"?

REBECCA: No, I'm agreeing with you. He can't, ahem, force you.

JASON: Okay.

REBECCA: Not really.

JASON: Rebecca.

REBECCA: I'm saying, you're going to end up doing it. You know it, I know it, he knows it, Patrick knows it, Louis knows it. Mrs. Norris next door knows it, too, and no one even told her.

JASON: You're saying I'm spineless?

REBECCA: No. I would never say that. I was implying it pretty heavily, though.

JASON: Yeah.

REBECCA: Just put on the suit, Jason. Don't fight it. If you fight it, you're just going to end up putting it on anyway, despite all that effort. And Michael will call you spineless.

JASON: ...Fine. But these bets are out of hand. No more of this.

REBECCA: Hey, this wasn't my idea. It's all you guys.

JASON: Right.

The front door opens, and Michael and Patrick enter.

MICHAEL: Where's the suit?

JASON: Michael--

MICHAEL: Why aren't you in the damn suit?

JASON: 'Cause we aren't even leaving for another--

MICHAEL: We're leaving in a few minutes. Louis is on his way.

JASON: ...I thought he had to work.

MICHAEL: He got off early.

JASON: But...dammit.

MICHAEL: Yeah. Life's a bitch. Get into the suit. We don't have a lot of time.

Jason begrudgingly gets up from the couch.

JASON: All right. But this is the last one of these I'm doing. You wanna do bets from now on, it's cash only. Ten bucks, that's it. New rule.

MICHAEL: Wuss.

JASON: See? And I'm even putting on the damn uniform.

REBECCA: Sorry.

Jason exits to the hallway.

REBECCA: When's Louis gonna be here?

PATRICK: Few minutes. He's gotta wait for Reggie to pick him up.

REBECCA: Oh, hell. Reggie's coming, too?

PATRICK: Yeah. Last minute thing. Sorry.

MICHAEL: What's wrong with Reggie?

PATRICK: He's a bad speller.

REBECCA: That is not my problem with Reggie. [beat] It's not my only problem.

MICHAEL: Then what?

REBECCA: He's gonna hit on me. He always hits on me, and he's really kind of an unappealing loser guy.

MICHAEL: He's not so bad.

REBECCA: You're not the one whose ass he stares at. He does it all the time. I see it.

PATRICK: ...How exactly can you see him staring at your ass? He'd have to be behind you to do that, right?

REBECCA: I can feel it.

PATRICK: Really?

REBECCA: Yeah.

PATRICK: ...Okay, that is kinda creepy. Not him, but your phantom Dead Zone ESP. Ooh, what I am thinking right now?

REBECCA: Fuck you.

PATRICK: Hey! She got it right!

MICHAEL: Well, you don't have to worry about it tonight. Reggie's bringing his girlfriend.

REBECCA: His what?

MICHAEL: Girlfriend. See, when a boy and a girl like each other in that special way--

PATRICK: I don't know who she is. Don't ask.

REBECCA: I wasn't going to.

PATRICK: Okay.

REBECCA: Except what kind of backwoods retard would go out with that guy?

PATRICK: Perhaps one without your acute sixth sense. And besides, I don't think she's his girlfriend. I think they've gone out once. If that.

MICHAEL: She's from out of town or something. I don't know the whole thing. I got it from Patrick, who got it from Louis, who got it from Reggie, so the story's probably fucked-up seven different ways from the truth.

REBECCA: ...I'm going to be forced to make conversation with this person, aren't I?

MICHAEL: Well, not forced. More like...yeah, forced.

REBECCA: Dammit.

MICHAEL: Well, you could always just stare blankly at her all night, but something tells me she's gonna have that base covered herself.

REBECCA: And ten bucks says Reggie's gonna be ogling me anyway.

PATRICK: I'd never bet a psychic.

MICHAEL: Do we have any candy?

REBECCA: What?

MICHAEL: Candy. Do we have some?

REBECCA: No. We're not gonna be here for the trick-or-treaters, we didn't buy any.

MICHAEL: It's not for them, it's for me. I'm jonesing.

REBECCA: I went to Sonic earlier--there might be a few peppermints in the bag in the fridge.

MICHAEL: Good enough for me.

He goes into the kitchen.

PATRICK: So, next week.

REBECCA: Yeah?

PATRICK: We got that show coming up.

REBECCA: We do.

PATRICK: Big show for us.

REBECCA: Yeah.

PATRICK: And we haven't played in a while.

REBECCA: Uh-huh.

PATRICK: So I had this radical idea, thinking of ways we could be better. What if the three of us were to get together and play the songs before the show. Ya know, like, practice or something.

REBECCA: Yes, I realized we haven't--

PATRICK: If you wanna quit, quit. It's okay.

REBECCA: I didn't say I wanted to quit.

PATRICK: No, you've just cancelled every practice we'd planned for the last two weeks.

REBECCA: For legitimate reasons. I wasn't ducking anything.

PATRICK: I don't doubt it.

REBECCA: Then what--

PATRICK: Because our rehearsals used to be the thing you'd cancel other stuff for. And now the tide has shifted. And I'm saying, if you want out, get out.

REBECCA: I don't want to quit.

PATRICK: I'd understand. I know sometimes it's kind of...awkward.

REBECCA: It's not awkward.

PATRICK: Yeah, it is.

REBECCA: Just because we broke up, that doesn't mean--

PATRICK: Rebecca.

REBECCA: We agreed that we could be friends. And I want us to be friends. I don't want to quit.

PATRICK: Okay. Good.

REBECCA: But when I do, I'll tell you. I won't start getting all childish on you.

PATRICK: ...Okay.

REBECCA: What?

PATRICK: Nothing.

REBECCA: What did I say?

PATRICK: You said when. As opposed to if.

She doesn't answer, only looks away.

Michael comes back into the room, sucking on a peppermint.

REBECCA: Find some?

MICHAEL: Sure did. Thank you.

JASON [off]: I'm coming out now!

MICHAEL: Ah. Here we go.

JASON [off]: Anyone has a camera, put away or I'll make you eat it.

REBECCA: Just come out and get it over with.

JASON [off]: I'm putting the helmet on...

The three of them wait for a minute.

And then, from the hallway, Jason enters, dressed as a Star Wars Imperial Stormtrooper. The armor is white and glistening. It's also loose and flowing--the uniform appears to be too big.

Michael laughs. Hard.

JASON: Laugh it up, fuzzball.

MICHAEL: I'm...I'm sorry. I...

He laughs some more. Patrick's laughing, too, though not as hard.

REBECCA: It looks like the sleeves are too long.

JASON: Huh?

REBECCA: The sleeves.

JASON: Huh?

REBECCA: Your sleeves--the costume is too big!

JASON: Huh? What are you--this stupid helmet!

He removes the helmet.

JASON: I can barely hear in that thing.

MICHAEL: Your problem. But oh man, is that funny.

JASON: Glad you're enjoying yourself.

MICHAEL: But why is it too big?

JASON: The rental place sent the wrong size. Too late to do anything about it now.

MICHAEL: Why didn't you say something before?

JASON: Because I didn't know before. I'm not psychic.

PATRICK: Take some lessons from Rebecca.

MICHAEL: Wait, you never tried it on?

JASON: No.

MICHAEL: Why not?

JASON: Because I didn't. But since it obviously doesn't fit, it doesn't look very good. I was thinking, maybe--

MICHAEL: You're wearing it. I don't care if you have to get a belt and suspenders; you're wearing the damn suit.

JASON: Yeah, yeah.

REBECCA: Hey, where's your blaster?

JASON: I don't have one.

MICHAEL: Yeah, they wanted an extra fifty bucks for the blaster.

REBECCA: No, you have one.

JASON: What are you doing to me?

MICHAEL: A toy one?

REBECCA: No, Michael, a real laser blaster. Yeah, he's had it since he was a kid.

PATRICK: Well, go get it!

JASON [sigh]: Traitor.

REBECCA: Bwahahaha. Come on, you can't be a Stormtrooper without a blaster.

JASON: Yes, 'cause they're renowned sharpshooters, the Stormtroopers.

Jason again heads off to the hallway.

MICHAEL: I can't believe he's going through with this.

REBECCA: Maybe he's not as spineless as you think.

MICHAEL: Maybe.

The front door opens. Louis enters, followed by a greasy, grungy guy we'll call REGGIE. They're in the middle of a conversation as they come in.

LOUIS: You'd kill yourself, too, if your name was [strangled moan].

Reggie falls apart with laughter.

REGGIE: Hey.

ALL: Hey.

LOUIS: Where's Jason?

MICHAEL: Getting his blaster.

LOUIS: He put on the suit?

MICHAEL: Yeah.

PATRICK: It's too big. But still funny.

LOUIS: Bad ass.

Patrick, Michael and Rebecca look to the open door, waiting for someone to come in. No one does.

LOUIS: ...What?

REBECCA: Michael said Reggie was bringing someone.

MICHAEL: Louis said he was bringing his girlfriend.

REGGIE: Oh, she's not my girlfriend. She's just a girl I met.

Relieved "Ohhhh"s all around.

REBECCA: But...where is she?

REGGIE: She's in the car.

REBECCA: ...You left her in the car?

REGGIE: I didn't think we'd be in here long. [beat] Will we?

REBECCA: Get her out of there!

REGGIE: Oh. Okay.

He goes outside. Once he's gone, Louis turns to the group with a "don't blame me" pose.

LOUIS: I tried to tell him. But I don't think she really wanted to come in, anyway.

REBECCA: What's wrong with her?

LOUIS: Nothing.

Beat.

LOUIS: Nothing.

Beat.

LOUIS: Nothing! Really, she's fine. She's a little nervous about a bunch of new people.

REBECCA: Terminal acne? Blind? Down syndrome?

LOUIS: No, no, and no. She's fine. She's nice.

REBECCA: Then why--why the hell--

LOUIS: She's from the West Coast. She's in town visiting an uncle or something. She doesn't know anybody. Reggie talks to her for ten minutes at Barnes and Noble the other day, asks her to come to his party with him. She doesn't have anything else to do, or anyone else to do it with, so she accepts.

And yet another round of "Ohhh"s.

LOUIS: You guys are assholes.

REBECCA: You're sure she's okay?

LOUIS: Yeah.

Reggie comes back inside, followed immediately by Angela. She's wearing the high school letter jacket we very briefly saw her use as a pillow in episode one. Her hair is a little different, a little longer.

She somewhat timidly enters, not taking more than a few steps inside.

REGGIE: All right. Here she is.

They stare at Reggie for a second.

LOUIS: Her name is Angela.

REGGIE: Right, yeah. Angela, this is everybody. Everybody, Angela.

REBECCA: Hi. I'm Rebecca. This is Michael and Patrick.

THEM: Hi.

ANGELA: Hi.

REGGIE: So. How long are we going to be?

REBECCA: Just waiting for Jason.

MICHAEL: Jason!

JASON [off]: Gimme a damn minute!

REBECCA: Just another minute or so.

MICHAEL: He's stalling.

REBECCA: He's not. He just doesn't have any idea where it is. You know how organized he is.

Everyone is silent for a second.

ANGELA: It's a nice house.

REBECCA: Thank you.

PATRICK: Why are you saying thank you?

REBECCA: I live here, too. It's partially my house.

PATRICK: You didn't build it.

REBECCA: You wanna get off my case today? Please?

PATRICK: But it's...Halloween. We're supposed to get on your case today.

MICHAEL: You'll have to excuse them. Former lovers. The sexual tension...it drives them mad.

REBECCA: Have you ever had a bass guitar shoved up your ass?

MICHAEL: No.

REBECCA: Want one?

MICHAEL: No.

REBECCA: Then shut up.

MICHAEL: You bet.

Angela laughs.

REGGIE: Jesus, does he have to sew that Star Trek costume, or what?

REBECCA: Star Wars, not Star Trek.

REGGIE: Same thing.

REBECCA: Uh, no. It's--

LOUIS: Hey, show 'em those TVs you got.

REGGIE: Oh yeah, you guys gotta see that.

LOUIS: He put some TV screens in his car.

Rebecca looks at Reggie like he's an idiot.

REBECCA: Why?

Reggie looks at Rebecca like she's an idiot.

REGGIE: ...'Cause it's cool.

REBECCA: ...Oh.

REGGIE: C'mon, at least we'll be doing something while we're waiting.

Reggie and Louis head outside. Michael and Patrick slowly shuffle that way, too. Rebecca doesn't move.

MICHAEL: Come on.

REBECCA: No.

MICHAEL: Come on.

REBECCA: No.

MICHAEL: I'll give you ten dollars if you come outside, look at his TVs, and don't say a word.

REBECCA: Okay.

She starts to leave with Michael. On the way out:

REBECCA: Are you coming?

ANGELA: Oh, no. I've seen them already, thanks.

REBECCA: Hey, seriously--do you like that guy?

ANGELA: Oh--yeah, he's...yeah.

REBECCA: Really? 'Cause he's not our friend.

ANGELA: He's not?

REBECCA: No. He's Louis's friend. The rest of us think he's a creepy, skeevey loser.

ANGELA: Oh, thank god.

REBECCA: Ha! As I suspected.

MICHAEL: Big surprise. You're psychic, remember?

REBECCA: Go outside. Angela, if you want something to drink, there are sodas in the fridge.

ANGELA: I'm fine, thanks.

Michael and Rebecca go outside, leaving Angela alone. She looks around, admiring the house. Not so much admiring the messiness, but still: it's a nice house.

She sits on the couch...looks around...taps a finger on the arm of the couch.

She looks out the door expectantly. No one comes inside.

Jason enters from the hallway, still clad in his Stormtrooper gear, and this time he's wearing the helmet and carrying a blaster. The blaster has a shoulder strap--it's tangled up, and he's in the middle of unraveling it when he spots Angela.

He slowly walks around the couch and looks at her, head cocked quizzically: huh?

She doesn't notice him for a second, then turns and does.

They stare at one another for a second. She eyes the uniform.

ANGELA: ...Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?

JASON: Huh? Oh, this damn uniform...

He takes the helmet off.

JASON: I can't hear a damn thing in that helmet.

ANGELA: I imagine.

A beat.

ANGELA: Hi.

JASON: Hi.

Another beat.

JASON: Who are you?

ANGELA: Oh. Sorry--Angela. I'm Angela.

JASON: I'm Jason.

ANGELA: And you're...on patrol?

JASON: Huh? Oh, no, I live here. It's my house, actually.

ANGELA: Ah. It's a very nice house.

JASON: Thank you.

ANGELA: I'm amazed you guys could afford it.

JASON: Oh, we can't. It belongs to my parents. They're in Florida. They live there. So we rent the house.

ANGELA: Oh. Well, that's...that's nice.

JASON: Yeah. [beat] Have we ever met before?

ANGELA: No.

JASON: I didn't think so. I don't remember seeing you before And I would have. I think. I mean--I would have, 'cause I'm good with faces. I would have remembered.

ANGELA: Got it.

JASON: So, you didn't go to school around here?

ANGELA: No.

JASON: And we've never met?

ANGELA: No.

JASON: Then what the hell are you doing in my house?

ANGELA: Oh--god, I'm sorry, I thought someone told you. I'm here with Reggie.

JASON: ...Oh.

ANGELA: They're all outside, looking at the TVs Reggie has in his car.

JASON: He brought TVs with him?

ANGELA: No, he installed TV screens in his car. [before he can speak] Please don't ask why.

JASON: Okay.

ANGELA: I guess you can go check 'em out. They're...cool. I guess. If you're into that kinda thing.

JASON: Well, with that ringing endorsement...

She laughs.

JASON: What did you say to me before, when I still had my helmet on? I couldn't really hear you that well.

ANGELA: Oh...I said...[chuckles, somewhat embarrassed] ...I said, "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"

Jason smiles.

JASON: Yeah...that's what I thought you said. [beat] I'm Jason, by the way.

ANGELA [smiles back]: Yeah. You said that already.

JASON: I did?

ANGELA: Yeah.

JASON: So I did.

Jason seems quite taken with the girl. He opens his mouth to say something else, but Rebecca enters through the front door.

REBECCA: All right, my dear clone soldier. Time for battle.

JASON [sigh]: Yeah, all right.

REBECCA: Reggie's waiting for you.

ANGELA: Yeah, okay. Um, I'll see you guys there?

REBECCA: You certainly will. We'll probably be hiding from the rest of the screaming hordes somewhere.

JASON: Yeah. I'll be the guy dressed as a Stormtrooper.

Angela laughs and walks out the front door.

REBECCA: Okay, let's go.

Jason is still looking after Angela. Rebecca follows his line of sight, then looks back.

REBECCA: Jason?

JASON: Hmm?

REBECCA: Come back to us.

JASON: Oh. Sorry.

REBECCA: She seems nice.

JASON: Yeah. But...

REBECCA: What?

JASON: She's here with Reggie. Something's gotta be--

REBECCA: She's not with anybody. She's from out of town--California somewhere, Reggie isn't really sure--she accepted the party invitation from Jackass having no idea who he was or what she was doing.

JASON: Oh. Oh.

REBECCA: Feel better?

JASON: Yes.

REBECCA: Then come on. Get your helmet.

JASON: Yeah.

REBECCA: Where's my purse?

JASON: Under the table.

REBECCA: Ah. Thanks.

She bends down to get it, puts it on the table and starts shuffling through it. Jason keeps struggling with the tangled strap.

Reggie appears in the doorway, starts to say something, then stops and stares at Rebecca, who is still bent over looking through her purse.

She finds her keys and is about to zip the purse closed when she suddenly freezes. Sighing, she turns around to Reggie.

He tries--and fails--to act natural.

REGGIE: So--me and Angela and Louis are gonna meet you over there?

REBECCA: Yeah.

REGGIE: Okay. See you there.

REBECCA: Yeah.

He leaves. Rebecca shakes her head and turns back to Jason, who is also shaking his head, but laughing.

REBECCA: Don't laugh.

JASON [laughing]: Okay.

REBECCA: You almost done there?

JASON: Almost.

REBECCA: Want me to do it?

JASON: No.

He fumbles a little more then hands it to her. She starts actually unraveling the thing successfully.

JASON: It's just my luck.

REBECCA: Hmm?

JASON: I said it's just my luck. I meet a nice girl. And she's here with Reggie, of all people. And I'm dressed like a Stormtrooper.

REBECCA: Heh. That must have been a little disconcerting.

JASON: It was that.

REBECCA: I meant for her.

JASON: Oh. Yeah, her, too.

REBECCA: What did she say?

JASON [smiles]: She said, "Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?"

REBECCA: You're kidding.

JASON: I swear on George Lucas's grave.

REBECCA: He's not dead.

JASON: He's dead to me.

REBECCA: ...She really said that?

JASON: She did.

REBECCA: Aww...

JASON: Quiet, you.

She finishes with the strap and hands the blaster back.

REBECCA: Let's go.

He takes the gun and picks up his helmet.

The phone rings.

REBECCA: Want me to let it ring?

JASON: No. Yeah. Yeah.

It rings again.

JASON: No. No.

REBECCA: Make up your mind.

JASON: ...Answer it.

She does.

REBECCA: Hello?...Oh, hi. How are you?...Yeah, he's right here. [hands phone to Jason] It's your dad.

He tucks the helmet under one arm and takes the phone.

JASON: Hey, Dad, we're on our way out the door. What's up?

A long pause as he listens. His face slowly falls.

JASON: ...What? [another long pause] When?...But you...How can that be, you...you...Dad, you...you said they said she....She was supposed to be getting better, Dad, you said...

Rebecca reacts in horror--she whispers "No!"

JASON: What happened? How did....No, I'm not asking you for a--Jesus, Dad, just tell me what happened!...Hey--don't--why are you yelling at me?

Jason listens for a few moments.

JASON: Okay. Call me when you have the...you know, the flight number and whatever....No, you won't have it 'til tomorrow, I understand that, I'm saying call me when you....okay....Okay, Dad. I'll see you then. [a very long pause] ...I love you, too, Dad.

Jason hangs up.

Rebecca says nothing.

Jason drops the phone and his helmet on the couch.

JASON: She....She's gone.

She hugs him.

REBECCA: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...What happened?

JASON: I don't know. He was trying to tell me, but...he...he was having trouble forming complete sentences, you know?

REBECCA: God, Jason...I...oh, I don't know what to say.

JASON: Don't say anything. Just...I...I need to sit down.

He pulls from her and sits on the couch. She sits next to him.

JASON: I've been waiting for this, you know. For months. Hell: years. Every time the phone rings...I'm thinking...I think, "This is it. This is the call." But it's not. And just when I'm...when I think that...I'm not expecting it, and it...dammit.

Rebecca reaches for something to say, something comforting.

REBECCA: Well, she...she was in pain for a really long time, Jason.

JASON: Yeah. I know.

REBECCA: And...she's in a better place now.

JASON: You don't believe that.

REBECCA: You do.

JASON: Yeah.

He looks at his hands, clad in the gloves of the Stormtrooper suit.

JASON: She thought it was hilarious I was doing this. She wanted pictures. She...She said she was...god, I feel like I've been punched in the chest. With a car.

REBECCA: I know you do. I know how you feel.

JASON: Yeah. I know.

Michael comes in the front door.

MICHAEL: Let's go! We're waiting out here.

REBECCA: You guys go ahead. We're not going.

MICHAEL: Oh--Jason, come on, you--

REBECCA: No. Stop talking, right now, Michael. Please.

MICHAEL: O...kay.

REBECCA: I know you've got everything in my car, it's no problem. You can take it. I'll explain later, but just go. I'm staying here.

JASON: No.

REBECCA: I'm not leaving you here by yourself.

JASON: Yeah. I mean, no, we're not staying here. We're going.

REBECCA: Jason--

JASON: No. I agreed. I promised. I'm not a man who breaks his word.

REBECCA: Jason...you don't know what you're saying right now. You're not thinking clearly--

JASON: Not really, no.

REBECCA: You don't have to do this.

JASON: Yes, I do.

REBECCA: Michael will just have to--

JASON: It's not about Michael. She wanted to do this. She said...she said she was...proud of me. For doing it. Said it took guts.

REBECCA: But you don't--

JASON [whispers]: Rebecca, I have to get out of this house. Okay? I have to. [even softer] She's everywhere in here.

Rebecca doesn't say anything.

JASON: Get back in the car, Mike. Let me get my helmet back on, we'll be all set.

MICHAEL: ...Sure.

Glancing at Rebecca, he goes back outside. Jason picks up his helmet.

JASON: My dad's flying back tomorrow night, with the...well. Can't say that out loud. But he's...bringing her back. Tomorrow night. He's not sure when. We're gonna make the arrangements then. You know, for the...stuff. The funeral.

REBECCA: You're absolutely sure you want to do this?

JASON: No.

He starts to put the helmet on, but she stops him.

REBECCA: No matter what, I'm here for you. You know that?

JASON: Of course I do.

REBECCA: You were there for me then. I'm here for you now.

JASON: ...Beggar that I am, I am even poor in thanks; but I thank you, and sure, dear friends, my thanks are too dear a halfpenny.

REBECCA: Hamlet?

JASON: Act 2, scene 2.

REBECCA: Well, then, Polonius. Let's go.

JASON: That's TK-421. I have no name.

REBECCA: A mere clone of Jango Fett.

JASON: Don't remind me.

He puts the helmet on and slings the blaster over his shoulder. She takes his hand, and together, they exit through the front door.


Act 3 -- the house, three years later (the present day)

Jason sits alone on the couch, staring deeply into the monitor of his laptop computer. He chews on a fingernail, concentrating very hard. We can hear the television on, very softly. It's broadcasting a baseball game.

There's a knock on the door.

There's a big bowl of candy on the table. He reaches out, grabs a piece, unwraps it, and pops in it his mouth without looking at it. He grimaces, looks at the wrapper, and spits the candy back into it. Tossing the gross piece aside, he actually looks into the bowl, finds a good piece, unwraps it, and eats it.

There's a knock on the door.

He turns back to his computer monitor, chewing the candy with the same intensity he chewed his nail. He starts to type something, rethinks it, then stops.

There's a knock on the door.

Angela enters from the hallway. She's dressed all in black--a black long-sleeved shirt, black slacks, and big black shoes.

ANGELA: Jason?

JASON: Hmm?

ANGELA: You gonna get that?

JASON: Get what?

There's a knock on the door.

JASON: I didn't even hear it.

Angela walks around the couch to the table.

JASON: Who the hell would be knocking on our door? Are you expecting somebody?

She picks the bowl of candy and walks to the door.

ANGELA: Hmm. Insistent knocking, early evening, Halloween--could be anybody!

She opens the door to reveal several CHILDREN in costume. One of the costumes is the traditional sheet-over-the-head-with-eyeholes-cut-out deal.

CHILDREN: Trick or treat!

ANGELA: Hello! [to Jason] It appears to be Harry Potter, Spiderman, and a very, very scary ghost.

GHOST CHILD: Boo!

ANGELA: See what I mean? You kids look adorable. Here you go...

She distributes candy among the kids, who thank her and run off. She closes the door and returns the candy to the table.

ANGELA: Whatcha workin' on?

JASON: Hmm?

ANGELA: Do I need to send signal flares or something?

JASON: No, I--I'm sorry, I was trying to...what did you say?

ANGELA: What are you working on?

JASON: Oh. My...thing.

ANGELA: The game.

JASON: The inter--

ANGELA: --active fiction, right, sorry. Your interactive fiction.

JASON: Yeah. I'm almost done.

ANGELA: Really?

JASON: Yeah. Just one last hill to get over. One last problem to solve.

ANGELA: Hmm.

JASON: What?

ANGELA: Oh, nothing. It's just that the program you're using to write your interactive fiction thing looks exactly like Sudoku.

JASON: ...It helps me think. Clears my head.

ANGELA: Okay.

Jason taps a few keys, then is silent and still once again.

ANGELA: So what's the problem?

JASON: With the thing?

ANGELA: Yeah. Your one last hill to climb.

JASON: It's...hard to explain.

ANGELA: Is it coding thing, or a writing thing? 'Cause if it's code, I might be able to help.

JASON: How?

ANGELA: I've been reading your programming books. [off his look] I get bored sometimes.

JASON: Uh-huh.

ANGELA: So?

JASON: Well...no. It's a...it's a writing thing.

ANGELA: Oh. Then I'm useless.

JASON: Yeah.

ANGELA: Ahem. When I say I'm useless, it's charming and self-deprecating. When you say it, it's just mean.

JASON: I apologize.

Angela's cell phone plays a little tune. She pulls it out, opens it and looks at the display for a minute. She smiles.

ANGELA: Aww. Look at this.

JASON: What is it?

ANGELA: It's a picture of a little kid dressed up for Halloween.

JASON: As what?

ANGELA: Batman.

JASON: Which one?

ANGELA: Which one?

JASON: Yeah--Adam West, Tim Burton, Joel Schumacher. The new ninja Batman. Which one?

She looks at the picture.

ANGELA: What's the difference between the Burton and the Schumacher?

JASON: Schumacher has nipples on the suit.

ANGELA: ...This would be Burton, then.

JASON: Give it.

She hands him the phone.

ANGELA: Isn't that cute?

JASON: Almost unbearably so.

He hands the phone back.

ANGELA: It's my nephew.

JASON: Your nephew?

ANGELA: Charlie. He's eight.

JASON: You have a nephew?

ANGELA: Two of them.

JASON: ...In order for you to have nephews, you'd have to have a brother. Or--

ANGELA: A sister. I do indeed.

JASON: You have a sister?

ANGELA: Yeah. Well, she's my half-sister. Same father, different mother. But we don't mind so much the half part.

JASON: I didn't know that.

ANGELA: Yeah, well, there happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mister Smarty Man.

JASON: American Beauty.

ANGELA: Dammit! One of these days, I'm going to quote something, and you're not going to be able to place it.

JASON: Sure.

She sits on the couch.

ANGELA: Do you mind if I change this?

JASON: Yes.

ANGELA: You're not watching it.

JASON: I'm...glancing at it.

ANGELA: Glancing at it?

JASON: Yeah.

ANGELA: O-kay.

JASON: It's almost over.

ANGELA: This is a baseball game. Who the hell is still playing baseball? I thought the World Series ended a few days ago.

JASON: It did. This is ESPN Classic.

ANGELA: So...you won't let me change the channel because you're glancing at a baseball game that's already been played? I'm guessing years ago?

JASON: That's right.

ANGELA: Because you've never seen it before?

JASON: I've seen it roughly twenty times.

Angela sighs.

JASON: Come on. It's Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. Dodgers versus A's. It's one of the--oh, what am I saying? You know this already.

ANGELA: Know what?

JASON: Game 1. Of the '88 Series.

ANGELA: Something important happen?

JASON: Did something--it's Kirk Gibson's home run.

ANGELA: And Kirk Gibson is...?

JASON: That guy.

ANGELA: That guy? He can barely walk, he's gonna hit a home run?

JASON: Yeah, he--how can you not know this already?

ANGELA: What? I like baseball, that doesn't mean I know the results of every game ever played.

JASON: Yeah, but this game is legendary. This is...Angela, you grew up in Los Angeles. The home run practically landed in your backyard, how can you never have seen this before?

ANGELA: I don't know.

JASON: Wow. Well...Kirk Gibson, the National League MVP, hero to millions, goes into the playoffs with a bad knee. But then, in the last game of the NLCS, tears up his other knee. So he can't play. But in the ninth of this game, Game 1, with the Dodgers down by a run and a man on first, Tommy Lasorda...

Angela is smiling. Jason trails off.

ANGELA: Yeah?

JASON: You do know this already.

ANGELA: Yeah.

JASON: Okay.

ANGELA: I've seen it about thirty times. Plus a million or so. My Dad woke up when it was actually happening, so I could see it myself.

JASON: ...Mine, too.

ANGELA: So, yeah. I know all about Kirk Gibson's home run.

JASON: Then, why did you--

ANGELA: You like explaining things. It clears your mind better than Sudoku.

JASON: ...Okay.

ANGELA: Listen, I--

JASON: Wait--here it is.

They watch the TV. We hear the voice of announcer Vin Scully: "High fly ball, deep to right field...she iiiiiis GONE!" Followed by the thunderous roar of the crowd.

Jason watches for a few moments in awe, then turns the TV off.

JASON: You were saying?

ANGELA: I need to talk to you about something.

JASON: Okay.

The front door opens, and Rebecca enters.

REBECCA: Hey, peoples.

JASON: Hey.

She looks at Angela's clothes.

REBECCA: Is that it?

ANGELA: Hmm? Oh, no. I'm not dressed yet.

REBECCA: Well, let's go. The boys are coming back soon. And then we're leaving.

ANGELA: Yeah. It won't take me long.

REBECCA: Okay.

Rebecca goes to the hallway.

JASON: You were saying?

ANGELA: Yeah. I--

Rebecca stomps back into the room.

REBECCA: Jason.

JASON: Rebecca.

REBECCA: Why is my computer still sitting in the hallway?

JASON: It's still just sitting there? How lazy.

REBECCA: Jason--

JASON: I don't mean to judge, 'Becca, but my computer was walking when it was half your computer's age.

REBECCA: You promised you'd fix it.

JASON: And I will.

REBECCA: You promised you'd fix it by tomorrow.

JASON: Is it tomorrow yet?

REBECCA: You promised.

JASON: Okay, I'll do it. Jesus, what's so important that you have to have it by--oh. It's November.

REBECCA: Yes.

JASON: I'll fix it when we get home. I absolutely promise.

REBECCA: Thank you.

ANGELA: What's so special about November?

REBECCA: Don't tell her.

JASON: Okay.

REBECCA: Thank you.

JASON: It's National Novel-Writing Month.

REBECCA: Thanks.

JASON: Or "Na-No-Wri-Mo," as we're apparently calling it.

ANGELA: You're going to write a novel?

REBECCA: Yes.

ANGELA: That's amazing.

REBECCA: Thank you. See, that's what it sounds like, support.

JASON: I support you wholeheartedly. But let's face it--this will be the fourth year you've tried this, and it hasn't worked yet.

ANGELA: The fourth year?

REBECCA: Third! The first year doesn't count.

JASON: She started in '03, but didn't find out about NaNoWriMo until halfway through the month. So it doesn't really count.

REBECCA: No.

JASON: The next two count, though.

REBECCA: Yeah. I just choked up.

ANGELA: You just...

REBECCA: Couldn't write much of anything. Last year, or the year before.

JASON: The point of NaNoWriMo is to just write the thing as fast as you possibly can, just to finish, then edit it for quality later. The goal is fifty thousand words.

ANGELA: How many did you write?

REBECCA: ...One thousand, three hundred fourteen.

ANGELA: Each year?

REBECCA: Total.

ANGELA: Ah. What's it called?

REBECCA: I don't really have a title yet.

ANGELA: Oh. What's it about?

REBECCA: ...It's not really clear at this point.

JASON: Well, certainly not after only thirteen hundred words.

REBECCA: But this is the year. I can feel it. Assuming, of course, Jason fixes my computer.

JASON: He will. I swear. Just as soon as I'm done.

REBECCA: With what?

JASON: Working on my interactive fiction.

REBECCA: Uh-huh. You can put a 3 in the lower right corner, there.

JASON: Thank you.

She exits to the hallway.

JASON: Again. You were saying?

ANGELA: Um...yeah. You...you know Carl? That guy who works at the bookstore? Not Barnes and Noble, the small here in town?

JASON: Yeah. I talk to him when I'm in there.

ANGELA: Yeah. He, uh...he asked me out.

JASON: ...'kay.

ANGELA: And I wanted...I want to go out with him.

JASON: ...And...you need me to chaperone?

ANGELA: I want to make sure things aren't awkward.

JASON: Then you probably shouldn't wear that t-shirt you have with the picture of the dead chicken.

ANGELA: I meant between you and me.

JASON: Oh. Why would things be awkward?

ANGELA: Jason.

JASON: I'm serious. You've been out with guys before. Was it awkward then?

ANGELA: That was different.

JASON: Actually, it was exactly the same. The only difference is, you didn't know about it.

ANGELA: Exactly.

JASON: Ah. So you're not worried about things being awkward for me, but things being awkward for you. And you're right, you know--I know how that feels. I wouldn't want to put you through that kind of misery, so you should just decline. I think it's better that way.

ANGELA: I am worried about you.

JASON: You shouldn't be. I'll be fine. I've much improved over the last two months. I'm not moping, I'm not sad, I'm no longer snapping at people. And we're cool again, right?

ANGELA: Yes. Of course.

JASON: See? And we've been working together planning your costume this whole time, and it hasn't been awkward at all.

ANGELA: That's true.

JASON: I am past it. I am over it. I have come to terms with reality. I am moving on.

ANGELA: Are you sure?

JASON: Yes. I'm being perfectly serious. He's a good guy. You should go out with him. Have a good time.

ANGELA: Okay. I should go get dressed.

JASON: Yes. You got the hat?

ANGELA: Yeah.

JASON: 'Cause it doesn't work without the hat.

ANGELA: I got it. And it's perfect.

JASON: And you've tried on the coat? To make sure it, you know, fits?

She laughs.

ANGELA: Yes, young Skywalker. It fits.

She exits to the hallway. As soon as she's gone, Jason sighs and hangs his head like Charlie Brown.

Rebecca comes in. Jason picks his head back up and focuses on his computer again, playing it off.

REBECCA: She ask you about Carl?

JASON: Yeah.

REBECCA: What'd you say?

JASON: What do you think I said? I told her to do it.

She sits next to him and pats his shoulder.

REBECCA: You're a good man, Charlie Brown.

JASON: Don't remind me.

REBECCA: So much have you left to do?

JASON: Just the ending. But I'm stuck.

REBECCA: Ooh--is it a writing problem or a code problem?

JASON: Code.

REBECCA: Oh. Damn. I was gonna offer to help. Can I help?

JASON: No.

REBECCA: Oh.

JASON: And I'm sorry for teasing you about the novel thing. I know you can do it. And when you do, I'm gonna be the first one to read it.

REBECCA: Thanks. But it is kind of silly, the whole NaNoWriMo thing.

JASON: That every year you wait for one month and try to bang out a novel instead of just writing the thing during the other three hundred and thirty-five days? Yeah, that's pretty silly.

REBECCA: No, I meant doing it in November. Whose idea was that? I mean, you've got Thanksgiving, Christmas shopping, and it's only got thirty days. That was just stupid. They should have picked May.

JASON: I'll tell you what--if you don't finish until December first, I won't tell anyone.

REBECCA: Aww. That's why you're my bestest friend.

JASON: In the whole world?

REBECCA: Of course.

The front door opens. Michael and Patrick enter.

MICHAEL: Okay, is she ready? 'Cause if we don't leave for the Nerdery right now, we'll be late.

REBECCA: No. She's getting ready right now. And stop calling it the Nerdery.

MICHAEL: Okay. What is it we're going to, again? Nerd Convention 2006?

PATRICK: I've been listening to this all day.

REBECCA: It's a costume competition. The geeks at the college are hosting it.

MICHAEL: Right--Nerd Convention 2006.

REBECCA: The prize is a surround-sound home theater system.

MICHAEL: And Angela is going to enter?

REBECCA: Yes.

PATRICK: As what? She wouldn't tell me.

MICHAEL: Nor me.

REBECCA: I don't know, either. Only she and Jason know. They're the ones who came up with it.

JASON: And I'm not telling.

MICHAEL: Why not?

JASON: 'Cause I'm that kinda guy.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

JASON: And you're gonna find out in, like, forty seconds. So calm down.

PATRICK: Oh, hey--did anyone get the mail today? I'm expecting something.

JASON: I didn't.

REBECCA: Nope.

PATRICK: All right.

He goes back outside.

MICHAEL: So what's up with you and her?

JASON: Are you talking to me?

MICHAEL: Yeah. You and Angela. It's like you're back to normal. Or, back to the way it was before.

JASON: We are exactly like that, yes. As if nothing ever happened. We are just friends again. No more awkwardness.

REBECCA: Which I've noticed.

MICHAEL: You know, that guy at the bookstore--

JASON: Yes. But I don't care. I am moving on. I am past it. I am coming to terms with reality. Waking up and smelling the coffee, if you will.

MICHAEL: Yeah. And all you had to do was get--[oops]--over it. Get over it. That's what you had to do. And you did. Well done. I lost ten bucks.

Jason gives him a sharp look. Rebecca just looks back and forth between them.

REBECCA: Okay...

Patrick comes in, shuffling through mail.

JASON: Did it come?

PATRICK: What?

JASON: Whatever it was you were looking for.

PATRICK: Oh. No. Just a bunch of junk. Except this: this is for you, Rebecca.

He hands her an envelope. She looks at it.

REBECCA: Hmm. No return address. It's probably anthrax. Who wants to open it for me?

All at the same time:

JASON: Michael.

PATRICK: Jason.

MICHAEL: Patrick.

REBECCA: How chivalrous.

She opens it, and pulls out...a birthday card.

REBECCA: It's a birthday card.

PATRICK: A birthday card?

MICHAEL: You hate your birthday.

JASON: What inconsiderate prick would send you a birthday card?

REBECCA: It was you, wasn't it?

JASON: Yeah.

REBECCA: Why?

JASON: 'Cause I felt like it.

REBECCA: But--

JASON: Will you just read it?

She looks at it and reads the outside.

REBECCA: "Here's hoping your birthday gets a perfect 10!" ...Wait a minute--this card is supposed to be for someone's tenth birthday.

JASON: That it is.

REBECCA: Why did you buy it for me?

JASON: 'Cause when I bought it, you were about to turn ten.

REBECCA: You...you've been holding onto this for twelve years?

JASON: Yeah.

Rebecca doesn't quite know what to say.

JASON: Open it.

She does. A photograph falls out. She picks it up and stares at it.

REBECCA: Oh my god...

MICHAEL: Is that Batman and Robin?

REBECCA: Yes. It is. This was Halloween, like, what, forty years ago?

JASON: Feels like it. That, or two months ago. I can't decide

PATRICK: That's you two?

REBECCA: Yeah. Sitting right here, as a matter of fact. In this very spot. Jason's Dad took this picture.

JASON: I found it in a box when I was down in Florida.

PATRICK: You guys look...really stupid.

REBECCA: Aww--we're cute.

MICHAEL: Not really, no.

PATRICK: Could you not afford masks?

JASON: Yes. We just weren't wearing them.

MICHAEL: What does the inside of the card say?

She opens it again. She reads it silently, and when Michael and Patrick try to look over her shoulder to read it, she closes it.

REBECCA: It's personal.

PATRICK: Oh, come on.

REBECCA: No.

ANGELA [off]: All right, people. Ready?

ALL: Yes.

Jason pulls out a camera.

Angela enters. She's still wearing the all-black stuff she was wearing earlier, but now she's put a bright red trenchcoat on over it. She's holding her hands behind her back.

JASON: Where's the hat? I told you--

She pulls her hands from behind her back--she's got a bright red fedora. She puts it on and holds her hands out in a "Ta-da!" gesture.

Jason laughs and takes a picture.

ANGELA: Hey--you said no pictures.

JASON: Did I say that? That doesn't sound like something I'd say.

MICHAEL: I...don't get it.

JASON: Think about it.

PATRICK: Oh my god...

REBECCA: You...are you...

ANGELA: Think...

MICHAEL: Are you...Carmen Sandiego?

Angela pulls the brim of the hat down slightly, just like Carmen Sandiego did in the game.

ANGELA: You'll never catch me, gumshoe.

REBECCA: That's wonderful!

MICHAEL: Wow.

PATRICK: How'd you think of that?

ANGELA: I didn't. Jason did.

JASON: I have a gift.

ANGELA: Now we just have to hope everyone else gets it, too.

MICHAEL: Hey, I got it. And I'm not a dork.

REBECCA: Oh--deep down, on some level, I think you are.

MICHAEL: I'm really not.

REBECCA: ...Yeah, probably not.

ANGELA: Okay, let's go.

All but Rebecca start for the door.

PATRICK: Hey, who was it who did the song on the TV show?

ANGELA: Rockapella.

PATRICK: That's right. I loved that song...

Patrick, Angela, and Michael exit. Jason is headed that way, but Rebecca grabs his arm and pulls him back.

JASON: ...What?

REBECCA: What's with the card?

JASON: It's your birthday.

REBECCA: It's been my birthday once a year eleven times since you bought this.

JASON: I've...I've been a pretty self-interested piece of crap for the last few months. Well, the last year, really. And I wanted to apologize. And say thank you.

REBECCA [reading from the inside]: "For the greatest sidekick anyone could ever want."

JASON: Truer words were never written. Especially on the inside of a Hallmark.

REBECCA: Yeah, but--what makes you think I'm the sidekick.

JASON: That's why I included the picture. Just to be clear.

REBECCA: Ah. What's this other part?

JASON: Hmm?

REBECCA: The other part you wrote. "I've never been so happy to be wrong."

JASON: Well. I think you know, when we were kids, my parents and yours pretty much forced me to play with you.

REBECCA: Yeah, I know.

JASON: It was after your brother...died, you know, and they were worried about you. So they decided they were just going to make us be friends. And I resented it. And I told my mom...we'd never be real friends. I was wrong.

REBECCA: My mother used to be surprised that it's lasted this long. Our friendship was borne out of such pain and misery, she can't believe we're still friends.

JASON: My mom used to say that's why it would last forever: it was tempered in the fires of Mount Doom.

REBECCA [raspberry]: God. Your Mom was terrible.

JASON: Yeah, I know. Where do you think I got it from?

REBECCA: Come on. They're waiting. Grab the candy. And turn off the lights on your way out.

Rebecca heads for the door.

JASON: Oh, hey.

REBECCA: Yeah?

JASON: Happy birthday.

REBECCA: Thank you for the card.

She exits. Jason picks up the bowl of candy and walks to the door.

But before he turns the light out, he looks back across the room.

The kitchen door opens, and the Pale Woman and the Boy exit.

BOY: Please, please, please, Mommy?

PALE WOMAN: Oh, all right. Fine. You can watch the movie. For a little while.

BOY: Yay!

PALE WOMAN: Here, you can watch it in my room. You're probably going to fall asleep in the first ten minutes anyway.

BOY: Nu-uh!

PALE WOMAN: Yes, you will, and you'll bad dreams, just like you always do when you watch something scary.

BOY: I do not!

PALE WOMAN: "To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream..."

BOY: What's that mean?

PALE WOMAN: It's from a play. It's called Hamlet.

BOY: What's it about?

PALE WOMAN: Well...let's see. There's this prince...

The two of them exit to the hallway, with the Pale Woman beginning her explanation as they depart.

Jason watches them go, takes one last look around, flicks the light switch, and exits.

Lights out.