Saturday, March 19, 2005

2. The Best of What's Around

Hey, my friend -- it seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me?
Would you say you're feeling low?
And so a good idea would be to get it off your mind

See, you and me have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best, so we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us, whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done, we'll make the best of what's around


Dave Matthews Band


Prologue

The stage is dark. A single spotlight shines on the front center.

Into that light steps ROBERT. He addresses the audience with less than full enthusiasm.


ROBERT: I'm supposed to come out here and remind you what happened before, or something. I guess they want to make sure you haven't forgotten anything, in case you get hit in the head a lot.

OFFSTAGE: Hey!

ROBERT: Oh. Sorry.

He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and reads from it.

ROBERT: So...Louis got kicked out...Angela moved in...didn't tell her roommate she left...blah blah blah...yeah, that's pretty much it. This episode takes place three days later.

Exits. As he does, we hear him say, defensively, "What?"


Scene 1 - the house, three days later

The garbage has been cleaned off the table. In its place are a bunch of books and papers, pencils and dice.

Jason sits on the couch, a bookbag at his side. On the chairs to either side of him, staring at one another like gunslingers, sit Patrick and Michael.


PATRICK: I'm going to shoot you in the fucking face.

MICHAEL: Really?

PATRICK: Yes, really.

JASON: Guys...

PATRICK: I'm tired of this, every week the same shit.

MICHAEL: Uh-huh.

PATRICK: I'm going to kill you.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

PATRICK: You don't think I will?

MICHAEL: Oh, I think you're gonna try...

Angela enters from the hallway.

ANGELA: Hey guys.

PATRICK: That's it, motherfucker, you're dead.

Patrick consults the papers stacked in front of him.

ANGELA: What?

JASON: He was talking to Michael.

ANGELA: Oh. [pause] What?

PATRICK: I need seven dice.

MICHAEL: You're using the uzi?

PATRICK: I'm using the uzi.

ANGELA: Oh. You're playing that game again.

JASON: As we do every Saturday.

Angela moves to the couch to observe.

PATRICK: Jason, can I have seven dice, please?

JASON: They're right there on the table.

PATRICK: I'm not using his dice.

MICHAEL: Oh, come on...

PATRICK: No, those dice hate me. I always fail with your dice.

MICHAEL: Are you suggesting I have rigged dice?

PATRICK: No, I'm suggesting I'd like other dice. Jason?

JASON: Yeah, yeah...

He begins pulling dice from his bag.

ANGELA: So...you guys are in the middle of a...story?

MICHAEL: Yes.

JASON: Well, we were...lately it's degenerated into watching these two fight each other.

ANGELA: About what?

JASON: ...I honestly can't remember.

Jason hands over the dice.

PATRICK: He stole my car.

JASON: Well -- Michael's character stole Patrick's character's car. A subtle difference.

ANGELA: You stole his car?

MICHAEL: Yeah.

ANGELA: Well...I'm sure you had a good reason, yeah?

MICHAEL: ...No, not really.

PATRICK: And here comes the payback...

He shakes the dice in preperation of rolling.

ANGELA: So how does this work?

JASON: Well, Patrick's character wants to shoot Michael's character, so he rolls a number of dice based on his character's skills, the weapon he's using, and other factors...in this case, seven dice. He has to roll 8s or better to hit the target.

ANGELA: Which is Michael's face.

JASON: Well, his character's face...though at this point....

Patrick rolls the dice. It is immediately clear from the reactions that Patrick's roll was not a good one.

ANGELA: He didn't roll any 8s.

JASON: No, he didn't.

PATRICK: Dammit...

MICHAEL: I hate to say...well, actually, I love to say, "I told you so."

ANGELA: So he misses?

JASON: Indeed he does. In fact, his shot strays wide left and blows out the windshield of the car Michael didn't steal.

PATRICK: What?

JASON: I'm feeling malicious.

ANGELA: Now what?

JASON: Now Michael's character can respond to the gunshots. Which he'll probably do by...

MICHAEL: Laughing. I laugh. Long and hard.

ANGELA: Isn't that going to encourage him to shoot at you again?

MICHAEL: Yeah, but he's the one with the gun, so I'm not worried.

PATRICK: Okay, asshole--

JASON: Actually, I think we're done for today.

MICHAEL: What?

JASON: Well, if you'd like to continue, go right ahead. I'm clearly not needed.

Jason stands up, collecting his books and papers and putting them in his bag.

JASON: I'm going to run to the video store.

ANGELA: Oh, can I go?

JASON: Um. Uh, sure. Yeah.

ANGELA: Well, you weren't going to get porn or something, right?

JASON: Right. Of course not.

ANGELA: Okay then. I'll drive.

JASON: Okay.

They head for the door.

MICHAEL: If you have the money, pick up a game.

PATRICK: Yeah, I'm getting tired of the ones we have.

JASON: I could get Playboy: The Mansion. I hear that's pretty good.

He and Angela leave. Patrick and Michael immediately start laughing.

MICHAEL: You see the look on his face?

PATRICK: "Um. Uh. Er. Um..."

MICHAEL: Poor bastard.

PATRICK: We could help him out.

MICHAEL: No.

PATRICK: We could just talk to her--

MICHAEL: No.

PATRICK: Why not?

MICHAEL: Because he told me not to.

PATRICK: When?

MICHAEL: When I offered to help him out and talk to her.

PATRICK: Oh.

MICHAEL: He wants to handle it himself.

PATRICK: Meaning he wants to brood about it for the rest of his life.

MICHAEL: That's what I got out of it, yeah.

The door opens and Rebecca enters.

MICHAEL: Hey.

REBECCA: Everyone in the world needs to die.

MICHAEL: Bad day?

REBECCA: No, Mike, I'm just advocating genocide for the normal reasons.

PATRICK: I take it you didn't get a good grade on your paper.

REBECCA: You know it's bad enough that I have to take the stupid class--

MICHAEL: This is English?

REBECCA: Yeah. It's bad enough that I have to take the stupid class, and it's bad enough that I have to take the stupid class on Saturday. But to have to take it with those people...

MICHAEL: "Those people" being...

REBECCA: Idiots.

MICHAEL: Ah.

PATRICK: Well, if you'd bothered to show up for more than a third of your English classes last semester, you wouldn't have to take it again this semester. So I mean, really, it's... [off her look] ...unfortunate you're stuck with so many less-than-intelligent people, when obviously you deserve so much better.

REBECCA: My thoughts exactly.

MICHAEL: Well, how did the Moron Nation offend you today?

REBECCA: This paper we had to write last week--

PATRICK: The one about your earliest memory?

REBECCA: Yes. We had to write a paper describing our very earliest memory from childhood. I won't even begin to describe what an asinine topic this is for a college-level English paper.

MICHAEL: I guess "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" is too passe.

REBECCA: So today the papers are due, and instead of the professor grading them, we get to do "peer-editing." Which means--

MICHAEL: --your classmates edit the paper. Yeah, I go to school, too.

REBECCA: ...right.

PATRICK: And your paper didn't go over well?

REBECCA: I don't think it was properly suited for that audience.

PATRICK: Why not?

REBECCA: Words with more than two syllables seemed beyond their grasp. I had to listen to a ten-minute lecture of total nonsense from this one woman about how confusing my paper was, when it turned out the whole problem was she didn't understand the word "intangible."

MICHAEL: Uh-huh.

REBECCA: I also made a reference to Edgar Allan Poe which sailed directly over the heads of all three peer editors.

MICHAEL: Poe? Jesus, what is your earliest memory?

REBECCA: My mother backing over my cat in the driveway.

MICHAEL: ...Oh. Wow.

PATRICK: You know, that explains a lot.

REBECCA: Keep talking, jackass.

PATRICK: Sorry.

MICHAEL: So what kind of grade did you get?

REBECCA: 91.

MICHAEL: What's wrong with a 91?

REBECCA: Nothing, except it would have been higher without those lacerating peer reviews.

MICHAEL: So...you were docked points because your audience is stupid?

REBECCA: Yeah. Now I know how Paul Thomas Anderson feels.

Blank stares.

REBECCA: And there it is again.

A knock at the door.

REBECCA: One of you should get that. I'm going to go take some Tylenol.

She exits. Patrick gets up and opens the door...

PATRICK: Oh...hello, Vanessa.

VANESSA: Hi.


Scene 2 - video store

It's a small video store -- a tiny mom-and-pop-type place, not a mega-chain.

Angela and Jason are looking through the few racks of movies in evidence.


ANGELA: What d'you think?

JASON: I don't understand how they can have ten copies of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow available for rental -- and all but one of them rented out -- but zero copies of Chinatown.

ANGELA: More people want to see Sky Captain.

JASON: Yeah. I don't understand that, either.

ANGELA: Why do you want to get Chinatown so badly?

JASON: A flawless script, great direction, Jack Nicholson as Jake Gittes, his best performance. Have you ever seen it?

ANGELA: Yeah, two or three times. Both times with you. Wait, don't you have it already?

JASON: Well...I did.

ANGELA: What happened to it?

JASON: Louis took it with him.

ANGELA: Why?

JASON: Because technically it was his.

ANGELA: Technically?

JASON: He bought it, knowing that I liked it so much. But it was still his. Even though he, ya know, didn't like the movie and never watched it.

ANGELA: If he didn't like it, why did he take it?

JASON: Spite, I would imagine.

ANGELA: Ah.

JASON: They don't have any Casablancas, either.

ANGELA: Why don't you have a girlfriend?

JASON: Uh. Um, what?

ANGELA: My mom asked me yesterday.

JASON: ...Your mom wants to know why I don't have a girlfriend?

ANGELA: Yeah. I don't know why, she asked if you were seeing someone, I said no -- you're not, are you?

JASON: ...No.

ANGELA: Right. And she asked why.

JASON: Why?

ANGELA: Yeah.

JASON: No, I mean, why did she ask?

ANGELA: Oh. Hell if I know. She asked the same thing about everybody.

JASON: And what made you ask me this now, out of the blue?

ANGELA: I saw a movie over here, reminded me of something that reminded me of something else that reminded of that.

JASON: Oh. Okay.

ANGELA: Yeah.

Silence for a moment.

ANGELA: So...

JASON: Huh?

ANGELA: Why don't--

JASON: Oh. Yeah. Um. I. I don't know.

ANGELA: Okay.

JASON: I mean, if I, heh heh, if I knew, I, uh, if I knew why I didn't have a girlfriend, I'd, uh...heh. You know. I'd have one.

ANGELA: ...Okay.

JASON: And I'm not sure why your mom cares.

ANGELA: I'm not sure, either. I mean--

JASON: 'Cause it's...it's not really...you know...

ANGELA: She's just...

JASON: I don't why...

They trail off.

JASON: It's weird that she'd ask you to ask me...uh...ya know...

ANGELA: Sorry I brought it up.

JASON: No -- No, it's, it's...uh...

ANGELA: Jason?

JASON: Yeah?

ANGELA: You seem to be having some having some trouble...

Long pause.

ANGELA: ...completing a sentence.

JASON: Huh. Oh. Yeah, I, uh...Oh, look: here's Chinatown. [grabs movie] They had it in the wrong place.

ANGELA: Ah.

JASON: Yeah. So. I guess we can go now.

ANGELA: Yeah.

JASON: Yes.

ANGELA: Wait, didn't you say you were going to grab a game? For Mike and Patrick?

JASON: Oh, right.

He looks at the other shelf and grabs something at random.

JASON: This looks good.

ANGELA: Okay.


Scene 3 -- the house, a little later

Michael, Rebecca, and Patrick are sitting on the couch, silent.

The door opens. Angela and Jason slowly and carefully walk inside.


ANGELA: ...Where is she?

MICHAEL: She got up to use the bathroom.

PATRICK: How'd you know she was here?

JASON: Finely tuned psychic powers.

ANGELA: Yeah, that and her--

PATRICK (together): --car is parked outside.

MICHAEL: There ya go.

Vanessa comes in from the hallway.

VANESSA: Hey.

ANGELA: Hey.

Awkward silence all around.

JASON: Well. We, uh, you know--

PATRICK: Yeah.

MICHAEL: Yes.

REBECCA: Definitely.

They all quickly walk into the kitchen.

Another beat of silence.


VANESSA: You think I'm stupid.

ANGELA: Vanessa--

VANESSA: I wasn't asking. That's the truth. You think I'm stupid.

ANGELA: I don't think--

VANESSA: Did you think I wasn't gonna notice? That you were suddenly gone and living somewhere else?

ANGELA: ...No.

VANESSA: Yeah, you did. Probably joked about it behind my back.

ANGELA: I...I didn't joke--

VANESSA: And thanks for leaving me with all of the bills. That was nice of you.

ANGELA: Vanessa, I couldn't live there anymore!

VANESSA: I know.

ANGELA: You can't hold a job for more than a month, I never know if the rent is going to get paid on time, or at all--

VANESSA: I know.

ANGELA: --and you... You know.

VANESSA: Yeah. I know.

ANGELA: Oh. Okay.

VANESSA: I'm the world's worst roommate, Angela.

ANGELA: No--

VANESSA: I was behaving like an idiot. A selfish, self-centered, idiot. You had to get out of there, I guess. I just...you should have said something. To me.

ANGELA: Yeah. I know.

VANESSA: You hurt my feelings. And you didn't even do it on purpose; you just didn't care.

ANGELA: That...that's....

She trails off; nothing to say.

VANESSA: Well. I have to go to work.

ANGELA: You got a new job?

VANESSA: Yes, I did.

ANGELA: Oh. Good. I'm glad.

VANESSA: Yeah.

Vanessa heads for the door. As she opens it...

ANGELA: Vanessa, I--

VANESSA: Don't apologize.

Silence. Vanessa walks out.

ANGELA: ...I'm sorry.

Angela sits on the couch, dejected.

The rest of the gang comes in slowly from the kitchen. Jason sits next to her on the couch. Everyone else stands behind the couch.


PATRICK: Well then.

JASON: Yeah.

ANGELA: I'm such a bitch.

JASON: No.

ANGELA: I don't get it -- she's the one who didn't pay the bills.

JASON: Yes.

ANGELA: She's the one who couldn't keep a job.

REBECCA: Yeah.

ANGELA: She drove her car in a pharmacy.

MICHAEL: Yeah.

ANGELA: And yet I feel like the bad guy.

Silence for a second.

JASON: Well....Forget it, Jake -- it's Chinatown.

Angela chuckles. She takes hold of Jason's hand.

Jason freezes, staring at their hands.

Everyone else, standing behind them, smiles silently.